"Modesty"

I appreciate that this article states that, "overemphasizing modesty can unintentionally teach that girls are responsible for boys’ sexual thoughts and behaviors." A few years ago, I took my brothers to a widely-attended religious conference for young people aged 14-19. One of the speakers was a man in a leadership position that strongly advised that females are responsible for keeping a man's thoughts and actions pure by the way they dress. His was clearly a misguided opinion that is not part of my faith's doctrine. Therefore,

"[...]it is important to distinguish influence on another person from responsibility for another person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. An extreme example is the classic excuse used to justify rape, “She was asking for it.” A woman dressing in a way that a man views as sexually provocative may have an influence on him, but only he is responsible for his behavior."

(1) When we reduce the concept of modesty to what females wear, we are reinforcing the very thing that modesty is supposed to help avoid: the sexual objectification of women’s bodies.

(2) Overemphasizing modesty gives others implicit permission to judge and measure a woman’s dedication to the gospel, or “worthiness,” based on physical appearance.

(3) Appearance sends a message about who they are, based on their culture, and that it has influence on others, but they are never responsible for another person’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors."

I most certainly do not contend that modesty is an overrated asset; it is taught and practiced in my religion because it's important. I support that at Church-sponsored events, attendees are expected to adhere to a dress code that requires men and women to be neatly groomed and dressed to the preset standard, and to act in accordance with religious standards.

I do not believe, however, that clothing modesty should be a communal tool used to force the non-compliant to feel shame; I think it's a personal conviction that encompasses a pragmatic awareness of self and circumstance, and edifies feelings of comfort and competence in the company of others. Not everyone is taught the same things about what is modest to wear, but the standards for Church events have been made pretty clear and I believe everyone should be able to expect themselves and other attendees to follow those guidelines.

Outside of Church-sponsored events I'm chaperoning, though? It's not my job to tell my boys to change their ripped jeans to slacks or tell my girls to put on a longer skirt. That's their own prerogative out in the world, and it's up to their parents to school them in matters of dress.

Telling the Truth

Let's get personal for a moment. I was a virgin when I got married at nearly twenty-seven years of age. It was because of personal religious values. Am I proud of it? Yes, because I made a choice and I stuck to it. Do I think anyone who engages in premarital sex is, therefore, not as holy as me? No, not really. The agency was theirs to act upon, as it was for me. I just wish it could have been a better experience for a lot of my loved ones who did decide to have sex as teens.

People say that's kind of hypocritical; frankly, I think it's hypocritical that even when young couples newly wed in my religion get married, they have experiences just as poor because no one's bothered to teach them to have good sex.

It is true that abstinence is the only method that guarantees avoidance of STDs and unwanted pregnancies, but regardless of how you feel about it personally, it’s a costly mistake (financially, physically, and emotionally) to not teach your child how to use contraceptives to protect himself or herself if and when they choose to exercise their God-given free agency. I would rather my child experience a safe, enjoyable and consensual "first time" regardless of age or relationship status as opposed to a miserable and frightening and painful experience that leaves him or her struggling with an unwanted pregnancy of partner or self.

It is a parent's responsibility to educate and fully disclose to their children the facts concerning sex, reproduction, and the responsible use of contraceptives. Children should not be confused and misled with religious dogma, half-truths, and outright lies designed to keep them 'pure' and 'modest'. We should not be shaming them and shutting them down when their sexuality begins to develop and create new experiences in their life. We should provide them well-considered, age-based truth and facts and continue to keep supporting and informing them as they grow.

Children deserve truth. They're capable of handling it. Parents cannot expect to 'opt-out' of having important conversations and learning experiences with their child because it's complicated, difficult, uncomfortable, or painful. Among other things, parenthood is a responsibility. If more parents would stop taking their duty and authority for granted, maybe children would learn respect for it as well.

Because this False Belief in "White Privilege" When I've Been Turned Away From Government Programs Due to My Lack Of Non-Whiteness is, Frankly...Racist.

I think racism definitely exists individually, but perhaps due to the caliber of individual I tend to spend time with, I've met few of any "race". I can tell you, though, that discrimination means that if I do a Google search for student loans for any non-white ethnicity, I get a lot more results than the zero I get when I search for scholarships for "white" people. I guess I will be applying for a non-racist scholarship when I go back to school - the kind that are given to any individual regardless of skin color, and are awarded by virtue of worthiness based on attributes a person has personally achieved.

According to the most recent census, 63% of the US is "white", and my personal beliefs dictate that whether an individual is in the 37% or in the remainder, every person is equal, and how well they apply themselves should be the chief predictor of their success.

There is no lawful practice in the United States that keeps any of her citizens from striving (i.e., working hard or smart) to attain equal ground with or even excel beyond the reach of another "race". None of us should consider ourselves "victims" of our own skin color, and the wonderful thing about being in America is that if a person so much as suspects they are being victimized or discriminated against "based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin," they may seek legal redress. Other prohibited manners of discrimination are posted here. If federal or state or legal rights to access are going to be granted to anybody, then the same should be granted to all. A nation can't be equal if its people are not receiving or are being denied equal percentages of assistance, justice, and representation.

Again, I am perfectly aware that racism exists. And just like slavery, it's not limited to one or two skin colors. A racially-charged crime should be considered every bit as heinous as another of equal racially-motivated brutality regardless of the color of person against whom it is committed, and be labeled as a hate crime every bit as speedily.

The Worth of Mothers

There's an article I just read about a school in Connecticut that asks parents to share how their child was born on their kindergarten application - whether it was a vaginal delivery or delivery via C-section. This is, presumably, due to a myth about C-section children being less likely to succeed academically due to the traumatic nature of their birth (because being squeezed out of your mother's vagina is to be considered, I presume, somehow less traumatic).

Honestly, it bothered me. Even around supposedly enlightened and compassionate women, it seems there's a lot of judging that goes on. If you're not married by 22, something's wrong with you. If you don't have kids immediately after marriage, something's wrong with you. If you let your kid eat that Cheerio off the floor, something's wrong with you. It's like some other women need to find something bad about you...in order for her to feel good about being herself.

I was speaking to my gorgeously ready-to-pop friend and another new mother recently, and we were able to relate altogether too many nasty comments made by WOMEN who judge other women's worthiness for motherhood and the legitimacy of her offspring strictly by the manner in which she gave birth. According to this grading scale I'm hearing about, women who are able to deliver "naturally" deserve the highest praise and are the most deserving of motherhood. Those women whose deliveries involved any type of medication or medical interference are labeled contemptible failures who are pitied and reviled for having blemished their birthing experience with chemicals. C-sections are the considered the "easy way out" of experiencing "real birth" for the weak, lazy woman who can't be inconvenienced by the baby's timing or be bothered to "sweat it out". These women are the true pariahs.

I've even seen mothers who fall within the parameters for the last two categories, who have themselves been "mommy-shamed" for not going through the supposedly superior "natural" birthing method, go on to vehemently laud "natural" birthers while simultaneously disparaging or expressing condescension for those who shared their own experiences. It's sad that WOMEN in society are taking something beautiful and "natural" in every way, and turning it into a perverse competition for personal validity when really, isn't being a woman difficult enough and motherhood demanding enough without losing more sleep trying to keep score?

And remember, if you really are a worthy mother, you'll feed your children only organic food harvested from the unpolluted mountaintops of Peru by certified sacred virgins who bathe thrice in the holy pools every dawn, and you should never let your special little snowflake touch preservatives or hand sanitizer or they'll become intellectually retarded and emotionally stunted and your grandchildren will have webbed feet.

As told by the NIH: "The intelligence quotient of school aged children delivered by cesarean section and vaginal delivery"

A Tragically Current Human Condition I Wish These Confederate Flag Haters Would Take Up Arms Against as Ardently

Slavery is irrespective of nationality, color, creed, and time. It happens everywhere, and can happen to anyone. If a fraction as much effort was put into ending the slavery that exists today as is being put into decrying abuses that happened decades and centuries ago, the lives of up to an estimated 60,000 human beings currently suffering enslavement in the United States alone could change for the better. I feel for the oppressed, the violated, and the maltreated of any era, but the only power that any of us have to change lives, shape events, or make things better, lies exclusively in the present and in the future.

Slavery isn't over for everyone, but I'm glad it's over for a lot of people. I certainly consider myself fortunate to have never been enslaved, and find it a blessing that, of everyone I have met in my life regardless of nationality, color, or creed, not one has confided that they are or have ever been under that yoke of bondage, either.